Category Archives: After Divorce

DOES A GOOD WOMAN HAVE A CHANCE AT TRUE LOVE WITH A GOOD MAN?

This is a question that many women have today.  However, how does one really define a good woman?  I guess more importantly, how does a man define a female as being a good woman?  Is being a good woman enough?  Inquiring minds of good women want to know!!

Many of the women whom I find myself speaking with have the same questions.  Many, including myself define a good woman as one who is spiritual, financially responsible, career oriented, virtuous, and takes care of her children (if she has any), her home, as well as her man.  However, many seem to end up with the short end of the stick when it comes to being blessed with a good man.  Why is that?  Does an independent woman intimidate a man?  Is it true that a man would prefer a needy woman so that they don’t have to live up to the expectations of an independent woman?   Are women impatient on waiting for who God has for them? What is it!!??

 On the quest of real love, one question that seems to come up more often than anything is “Am I Being Too Picky”.   My answer is, besides God, only you know what you’re willing to accept or not accept in a relationship.  When you start deviating from your desires that you prefer in a man in order to fit a prospect, you have back paddled and settled.  The problem is that eventually the characteristic that you settled for will begin to stick out more and more because it naturally becomes the focal point of your self-improvement plan on the one you’ve settled for.  This plan entails changing a man to fit your desires instead of loving and accepting him for who he is.  It’s not like he made you settle or lied to you as to who he really was.  You decided to accept him while subconsciously believing that you will change him.  The fact is that you cannot change or control a man’s character, and trying to do so, eventually leads to another broken relationship.   Why do I say this?  Because anytime you allow your emotions to be the deciding factor of accepting a man in your life, it will be your emotions that cause him to depart. 

Another question that comes to mind is if it was such an importance that a man possessed a certain characteristic, why was it so easily an exception when he didn’t possess it?  When you alter the desires you want in a man by accepting what you assume is his potential (thinking that you can help him achieve that characteristic, drive, determination, appearance, self esteem, self love, that you have prayed that your man possess) when he is comfortable with who he is and where he is in his life, the problem becomes two-fold.  First, you have shown that your prayer was in vain, because you doubted God from the beginning.  You accepted a man that you knew was not in sync with your prayer.  Second, you have shown the man that you have settled for that you are not honest; therefore, the trust has vanished and the relationship is strained, if not destroyed.  Why do I say this?  Because when you accept a person, you truly are comfortable with the totality of the person regardless of their flaws, shortcomings and/or their lack of desired characteristics. 

Again, everyone has their perspective on relationships and acquiring true love.  So now that the question is out, is there a man brave enough to address the questions posed by inquiring minds of good women?  How do you define a good woman?  Does man really prefer needy women?  Do you believe in he that finds a good wife find a good thing?  If you’re in a relationship or marriage, did you approach your lady first?  Please feel free to expand and voice your opinion. 

Thank you in advance!!  I look forward to participating in an adult dialogue.

 

IS “WAITING” THE ANSWER?

If you recall, my last blog entitled, “DIVORCED, BUT STILL SINGLE, WAITING, LOOKING….. GIVING UP!? A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE!!” ended with a scripture to keep in mind. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22

Many women may or may not be aware of the above scripture. However, if they were, would it make a difference? How many would really take the time to focus on “self” and their “relationship” with God instead of running from relationship to relationship?

 I’ve had conversations with many single women that are, and have been waiting on that special man. The problem is when they are approached by a man that is totally opposite of what they desire, they’re so excited to have been approached, that they go against the desires and attributes they would like for the man to possess, and further ignore the warning signs. Although, they have been there and done that, they tend to latch onto a man because he drives a nice vehicle, is handsome, dress nice and smells good. As a repeated cycle of previous relationships, they so badly want things to be as they had hoped for, that instead of running in the opposite direction, they remain and make up excuses for the man’s inconceivable actions (i.e., borrowed car only, no job, poor hygiene (after first week), lies, etc.), and while sometimes blaming themselves for the actions of a man.

There are various reasons for relationships not working out. The main reason is women believing that they’re in a relationship; whereas, men believing they are just friends. So why do women believe they are in a relationship and men do not? Sometimes women believe they are in a relationship because they are giving up their most prized possession too soon, and/or men are treating them as if they are in a relationship; whereas, other times, men tell women what they want to hear to get what they want. Regardless of the reasoning, women should control their emotions more, while analyzing the words of a men with their actions. If they do not correlate, keep it moving. If there are signs that are ignored in the beginning, those signs will get brighter, louder and seen more frequently later.

Sometimes, women say it’s hard to know who is and who isn’t for them. What I have learned over the last couple of years, is whoever God brings to you will know, and you will know as well. Although physical attraction is a start, the spiritual and inward qualities of a man will determine if he’s a keeper, keeping in mind that the woman has to do and be what she expects from a man.

As I close, I wonder what men perspective on the abovementioned scripture is. Of course, everyone interpret things differently; however, I do not believe that there should arise any difficulties in the interpretation of such. It is what it is, and means what it says. So what is the problem? The problem is that many do not know, understand or follow the bible.

All and all, women and men need to realize that God does not need our assistance. He just need for us to get ourselves right within and with him, pray without ceasing, and he will take care of the rest.

So happy that one of my friends have done such, and is experiencing what God has delivered to her. Who’s next? I’m looking forward to God bringing me my Boaz!!